What is a testimony?

As a small child, I was a HUGE Perry Mason fan. I loved the old school black and white Perry Mason episodes from the 1950's and 60's. When I was in Kindergarten I would come home from school and watch Perry like some kids watch cartoons. As a first grader I would fake being sick so I could stay home and watch reruns of Perry Mason. School was boring to me during that time period (for reasons I may explain in another story).  The point is little Maggie Nikko LOVED Perry Mason and was shaped by it.

Testimony time!

What is a testimony?

Until I became a Christian in 1996 I thought the word "testimony" fit in the courtroom. That its sole meaning was the story you tell the judge and lawyers in a court of law. A testimony was given in front of a judge and jury and was a serious matter. You could expect to be grilled by an accuser in front of your peers. You might take the stand if you were guilty..... If you were innocent..... If death was on the line....

At 21 years old and a new believer in Christ, I discovered there was a lot of talk about this word "testimony" and when people would share their "testimony" it would look a lot like an episode of Perry Mason. They were often nervous, standing there in front of their peers recanting their sins. In an effort to  prove how great those sins were. To convince anyone in the room that God's grace and Jesus' blood were enough to cover even the worst of sins.....Essentially it was show and tell time and your deepest darkest secrets were on the stand only you were admitting how wicked you'd been and how you found a way to become innocent. 

I will never forget the first time I stood in front of a group of women and recounted every sin I ever sinned. I was a young youth pastors wife in a room full of over 100 women who were listening intently to every sin I was brave enough to share.... At the end, I shared how I gave my life to Jesus and ended up in ministry supporting my husband and loving teens (like I used to be). It was a story of "Isn't God good that He has forgiven such horrible things and turned me into something I wasn't born and bred to be (a pastors wife)". When I finished that night, I felt like I had barfed on them. I had shame. I had fear that I would be judged. It didn't matter that they clapped and thanked me for sharing. It didn't matter that I had watched other leaders barf up their sins as an offering to God and the church. I left feeling violated having brought up sins and traumas I hadn't yet healed from. I know God used it. I have a story on how it changed someones life that night but I didn't know it then. It's true....He has forgiven me of much. I've been through a lot. He is good. He has saved me from my self and from Hell. But there is so much more.

In the 21 years since that public "testimony" on what as sinner I was, God has taught me a thing or two about my "testimony".

What is a testimony? As a believer in Christ?

Did God use my sins and his forgiveness that night? Sure! I'm glad I barfed on the crowd. I didn't know what I should share and he used it anyway. He says that his word doesn't return void. It will accomplish what he intends. He used it, barf and all.  I now believe with all of my heart that a testimony is NOT the recanting of the wretched sinner I once was. No, a testimony is the goodness of God in my life. The little and the big ways that He has shown up over and over again. Sure! I am a sinner saved by grace and I don't deserve the life I live. I am grateful beyond anything I can put into words for the life and freedom I have found in Him. But a testimony is more than who you once were. It's who He is. It's a love story between you and Jesus. It's the little and the big. It didn't end when you prayed the salvation prayer or repented after "back-sliding". I plan to blog some of  these stories for you, for me and ultimately for the Glory of Jesus who has covered me with his blood, has given me a hope and a future, has rescued me, healed me and blessed me. I am on a mission to share the hope in my life, the healing, the love and the freedom He has brought to me. 

Stay tuned for my next post! The "testimony" of the day I prayed the salvation prayer and first time I gave my life to Jesus. It's an epic one!